It’s good right now.

When you put your thoughts and feelings out there for people to see, and comment on, it is inevitable to experience negative feedback. I know that not everyone is going to agree wth my thoughts, feelings, and opinions, and yet the skinny little girl in coke bottle glasses that didn’t get enough from her daddy is still inside me wanting to please.

I’ve struggled with what to do with this blog. Honestly, it isn’t easy to put yourself out there for the interwebs to judge. I am exploring the dating world (if that’s what you call it), and this blog makes me more vulnerable. A simple google search will pull this up, and I don’t want my real self exposed to the dating world.

I’ve worked really hard to cultivate my superficial, giggly public persona, and without Mike I don’t really know if there is a point in letting new peeps know the real me.

The truth is, few know what it is like to be in my shoes unless they have walked in them. I’ve been asked how I can date, when I am so in love with my husband. The answer to that is that I have a deep capacity for love, and when it comes time, my heart will expand to include someone new. I will always be Mikes wife. If I ever love again I won’t stop loving Mike. He showed me what love, and commitment really are. How could I ever settle for anything less than that?

I’ve been dropped by some because they feel that I am crass, and inappropriate at times. That’s a fair assessment. Those people weren’t my people to begin with. I’m not for everyone, and that’s ok too. Grief is ugly. I understand those who walked away. Believe me, if I could have turned away from myself I would have too! It makes me so much more grateful for those who didn’t.

Dating after 50 is weird. First of all, I can’t believe I am 50, so that is probably part of my problem. I keep waiting for my momma to tell me to straighten up, but maybe she’s gotten used to me. I think she is probably just happy I’m not willing myself to die anymore, at least I’m not today. Dating is very superficial, and has required very little energy or effort. I can ask a leading question, and get away with giving very little information about myself. Sharing last names isn’t even required until many months of dating, or at least I think that is the case, I havn’t gotten that far yet! If I am dating you, and you are reading this I don’t mean you of course. Also, stop reading this right now, and be content with my fun, public self.

It feels right to continue this blog, so I will until it doesn’t feel right anymore.

Anne

8 Comments

  1. “Those people weren’t my people to begin with. ”
    Finding our own circle who will clap for our successes, no matter how small they are is priceless.

  2. I’m happy for you. I’m happy you got time with Mike and that you had a great love. I’m happy you are moving on and finding new ways to be in relationship with others, whether it works out or not. So keep being your best self and walk the path that brings you joy…and even bad dates!

  3. Being youself is hard! It’s easier to be the person people expect to see when in public.
    Hugs to you!

  4. LOVE you! Your spirit, your truth. Im sorry you are in this position but happy to know you are doing the only option possible. Moving forward. One day at a time. I wont pretend I knew Mike much other than Realestate but I did know enough. I did see the exceptional love yiu bith had. I knew him well enough that he would want you to move forward (AND practice your palm to the nose karate). Xo keep keeping on girl. You are an inspiration to everyone!

  5. Here, you can borrow my motto…..”Never explain…your friends don’t need it, and your enemies won’t believe it anyway”

  6. We wish you nothing but the best in this amazing life, Anne! Happiness is yours for the taking. Life is way too short to waste any energy worrying about what others think.

  7. you don’t love Mike, you love the memory of Mike – so important to understand the difference and move forward. Yes you can love again and it’s OK. Just look at Rudy for a guide.

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