Until death does its Part

I never told the half of it- Marco Polo

Our pastor told a story a few weeks back, and he quoted Marco Polo the explorer who when asked about his many adventures responded with the quote above.

One of the things that come up frequently in the widow world is the question of when to stop wearing your wedding band after your spouse dies. I will go on the record as saying everyone has to do what they feel is best for them.

I stopped wearing mine about 2 months after Mike died. I was in florida, and dreamt of Mike all night. When I woke up at 5am, I felt for my ring and it was missing. I jumped out of bed, flipped on the light, and with my heart racing, looked around until I found it on the nightstand beside the bed where I apparently placed it in my sleep.

Every time I looked down at my left ring finger and saw that ring, it reminded me of my loss. I took it off.

When Mike was dying, he lost so much weight that his ring was slipping off. Instead of taping the ring, he taped his finger so that the ring couldn’t slide over the tape and fall off. Even then, as he became almost skeletal it was hard to keep it on. I remember my sister asking him if he wanted to take it off, and have me hold it for safe keeping.

He absolutely did not want to do that.

Fast forward a few weeks to that horrible last night. I had asked Mike if he wanted to be cremated with anything special, I guess they can do that now, and the funeral home had asked me ahead of time if there was anything special he wanted to go with him.

I came home from that terrible visit, and asked him about it. I suggested maybe his hockey stick, or a favorite picture. This was the Friday before he died, and slightly before he slipped into a coma. We were all sitting around the bed, and my brother in laws phone kept dinging from texts that were coming in. It was getting on Mikes nerves. When I asked him if there was anything he wanted to be cremated with he jokingly said “Sure, how about Steves phone.”

We all got a huge laugh out of that.

Shortly after, he was drifting in and out, and he mumbled to me that it was too much pressure, and for me to decide.

When he died two days later, while we waited for the funeral home to come and get his body I put his favorite Michigan hat on his head, and had my brother in law go out to the garage and get his brand new driver to be cremated with him. For those who knew him he loved golf almost as much as he loved me. This driver was brand new, he had only hit it a few times, and my brother in law said he would die all over again if he knew we were putting it in there with him, and not craigslisting it like he loved to do.

As they rolled his body out of our house for the last time, and into the hearse I slipped off his wedding band, placed it on my middle finger of my right hand and it remains there today.

Til death does it’s part.

Anne

3 Comments

  1. I feel your pain, sorrow and joy. What a mix of emotions after the loss of a spouse. I just recently moved my wedding ring to my right hand, two years after Leslee’s death.

    • I really like wearing his ring. I remember when we designed it, and he decided after seeing mine, that he wanted some diamonds in his.

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