Tired of Adulting

Mike had treatment 12 of Keytruda on Friday. I wasn’t able to go with him,as I had to work a 3 day event over the weekend.He said he would be fine to go by himself,and actually was able to spend the night in a hotel and go watch his friend race his car the next day somewhere in Ohio.We take it day by day, and that was a good day.YAY!
We celebrate the good days,because the bad days are hell.Most nights are hell.3 out of the last 4 nights Mike has been up in the middle of the night with the chills, followed by terrible burning hot fevers.I get up, get him Tylenol, put cold wash clothes on his body while he suffers.We will do whatever we can to stall off another ER visit,and these fevers have resolved with the Tylenol so far.This is a common side effect from the immunotherapy drug he is on,and from everything I have read Tylenol seems to be the treatment most have success with.He called down to Ohio,and the nurse just said if the fever goes above 100.4 he should go to ER.I am pretty sure it was way higher than that Saturday night,but we were both too exhausted to take his temp.It resolved very quickly, or i would have taken his temp,and called an ambulance.The problem with having your dr 3.5 hours away, is that a lot of the stuff in between visits is intuition,and wait and see.He can’t just roll into her office for a visit.
All of last week he was struggling with pain at the tube site,and indigestion when he would eat food.We decided to keep his liquid diet at 1500 calories,as some days he can eat one meal, some days two meals.. Nothing consistent.He has kept his weight at 156 or so for the last month, which is so skinny for someone who is 6ft 1 1/2 inches.
In other news,when Mike and I got engaged we both had houses. We put his house up for sale.Like with most people, it had some work that needed to be done on it to get it ready to sell.The burden of being sick,working,and all of his other responsibilities made it really hard on him.We have been so lucky to have his siblings help us to clean it out,and get it ready to sell.It has been up for sale now for a year! His neighbor helped us to cut the grass all summer,and we have gradually gotten it emptied out,although it still has some things inside for staging.About 6 weeks ago we got an offer on it.
Yesterday the sale fell through.The buyer backed out after the house was off the market for a month and a half.There is nothing we can do about it, they get their deposit back,and they have no consequences from it.Our realtor has it back up for sale,and will do whatever she can do to get it sold again,but geez…I am not going to lie, I have been weepy since I found out.The responsibilities of 2 houses,the bills..I am having trouble bouncing back today.I am not going to wallow in this,but sometimes I do wonder how some people can walk through life seemingly unscathed..and others..not so much.
I worry about my kiddo having to live,and deal with this hideous disease everyday.It is worth it to me to have this beautiful man on the other end of the couch,but I worry for her.She seems to handles it very well,and loves Mike.We talk a lot about commitment, honoring vows,and love.Isn’t it really all about love? We are sure blessed with lots of that in our home,and in our lives. I am sure she will be fine,but her happy go lucky momma is gone for good.Cancer took that from me.

Anne

5 Comments

  1. Love is the answer. Stay strong and know others are sending you love when you least expect it.
    Hugs from an old friend,
    Karen

  2. Anne,so sorry for the struggles you are going thru, you and your husband and family are in my prayers.God bless you all

  3. I’m so sorry you’re having a hard time Anne! The house will resell and unload that burden from you. I’m hoping that Mike’s treatment is continuing to shrink his tumor. At least he’s able to eat solids! I continue to keep you both in my prayers. You’re right though, this journey is all about love, no matter the circumstances!

  4. you are tougher than you know! like my new sign says PRAY MORE WORRY LESS!. God is there…-:)

  5. You are a strong couple. We are praying for you.
    Love,
    Aunt Pat & Uncle Tom

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