Moments in Time

As Mike got sicker, and sicker and it got closer and closer to the end, he started sleeping more. He never ever napped during the day when we were together, and we both knew the end was getting closer when he started sleeping more that last week or so. He even said something to me in one of our late night chats about the sleeping more being an indicator that the end was coming.

He was a crier. I wasn’t used to it. lol I would joke and tell him to stop crying, and call him a cry baby. Yet, he was the most masculine man I have every known, and so tough. He had no problem telling people he was on what he called “brain meds” for depression, and literally was racing motorcross while on chemo when we met. I remember him telling me of an article written about him when he had cancer in 1999, and that the author of it called him tough as nails. He was.

One time he was in a golf tournament in Jackson , and he literally was in 4th place or so when he had to drop out on sunday because he was in the hospital, having a feeding tube put in because the tumor was blocking the exit of his stomach. Tough as nails.

Watching him hit a golf club gave me butterflies in my stomach. He had this self confidence that was so sexy, and we made out all the time, even in the hospital. We touched constantly, and I miss the touch of love almost as much as I miss him. Most of our marriage he couldn’t lay on his right side due to tumor pain, or feeding tubes, or drainage tubes. He would want to spoon me, but he could only sleep if he was on his side of the bed. lol He would say bring it in babe.. and I would. Avoiding tubes, drains, bandages.

I remember that terrible day when they told us the keytruda wasn’t working anymore, and we both started weeping. He looked over at me, and asked me to hold him. I did.

I was driving home from Ohio that day, and literally had a panic attack on the freeway. He had to take over driving. I was so disappointed that I was letting him down, he was after all the one who was dying. I said something to him that night, and he told me that I had the harder job. He knew that it was going to be hard for me to live on without him.

He got me.

He stared at me all the time. I would be washing dishes,and look over and he would be watching me. He would say things like ” why are you loading the dish washer like that?” It was so annoying. It finally made sense to me when he was in the hospital one time, and his buddy Joe came to visit, and told me a story about how he would be working on something at work, and have 6 engineers watching him, and telling him what to do, and how to do it better. Ahh.. it’s an engineer thing.

I got him.

He baked me a cake for my birthday. He baked me a cake. I have never had anyone even wash my laundry, or cook me dinner, and this man literally baked me a cake on my birthday.

One time when we were dating, I called him on my way back from florida during a snow storm. I was complaining about how I was going to remove the snow in my drive way. ( I know this is not a surprise to any of you,lol) When I got home he had plowed my driveway, and bought me a snow blower on craigs list, and got it running. He amused himself showing me how to work it, and I actually did use it a few times this last year, until I forgot to put something in it my brother in law told me to, and it wouldn’t work anymore. I lost patience, and put the thing out to the curb. He would not be surprised by this.

He got me.

I got him.

Anne

3 Comments

  1. Anne, You and Mike had what should have been an unending love on this earth and you still do, even though Mike is no longer physically with you. Keep the faith my friend.

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