A love letter to my husband

He told me about the cancer the night we met. We are one of those match dot com success stories you read about. I was newly divorced after a long marriage, and so was he. I was browsing the site one evening, while watching tv, and I came across this picture.my first photo of mike

Under the picture there is a little area you can put a funny comment, or say something to catch the eye of a reader.. His comment was ” I’m like a mushroom, I’m a real fun-gi”

That made me smile, and I liked the picture and went on. Very soon after I got a message from him that was a little flirty in nature, but not inappropriate or anything. We started messaging each other, and made plans to meet fairly quickly.
Fast forward to the night we met. I walked into the restaurant where we had agreed to meet, and expected to be in and out in 20 minutes.

We clicked.

After we had talked for several hours he told me that he wanted to share something difficult with me. I honestly had no idea what it was, i could never have guessed. I remember that he was trying to get it out, and he couldn’t. His hands were in the table, and i remember i reached across the table, and put my hand on his in support, and he told me. He told me that he has cancer, in fact he had been at chemo just that afternoon.

I was floored.

He walked me to my car that night, and we stood talking. I had only kissed one other man besides my first husband in 20 years, and I had no idea what to expect. He leaned over, and that country boy laid a kiss on me that weakened my knees. After he kissed me, he kind of had to hold me up. I looked up at him, he smiled that smile, and that was it.

We both knew.

Part of me hoped he wouldn’t call me again, and the decision on whether to get involved with him would be made for me. Part of me knew that night that i was already involved.

He talked to me.

He wanted to help me with my daughter, wanted to take away the burden of being a single mom, and working 2 jobs off of me. He wanted to take care of me, and he had even read my business blog. No one read my business blog, not even me! We both had kids at home, so we spent a lot of time getting to know each other in restaurants, and went on a lot of dates.

We fell in love.

Things are not looking good right now. He is very sick, with an infection that is raging through his body. I am giving him antibiotics 4 times a day. He has a drain in his liver, and it is draining the infection out of his body. They cannot give him any treatment while he has this infection. Conversely, they can’t stop the tumor from invading his stomach, and causing his stomach contents to poison his body without chemo or treatment.

We got a call from Ohio State, and they did find a genetic mutation from the biopsy called ERBB3 that may respond to a drug called lapatinib. This would not be a clinical trial, it is actually a drug approved for breast cancer. It has shown promise with GI cancers, and would target the ERBB3 mutation. Mike would be the first to get it for cc, and getting the insurance company to approve it would be a challenge.

He stressed that nothing can be done until this infection clears. We have a meeting with our Michigan oncologist on Wednesday, and we both expect that to be a difficult meeting.

We have approached Mikes illness with the goal of buying time, while science finds a cure. We are running out of time.

We are newlyweds. I want time.

Anne

7 Comments

  1. OMG… I pray for the best for you both. I hope you get what you need, and get the time you so desire, and deserve. As always, my prayers are with you.

  2. Dearest Anne and Mike,

    I think of you two every day and continue to keep you close to my heart in prayer. You deserve all the time in the world together! Sending much love and healing thoughts your way. ❤❤❤

  3. Anne,
    Because I know you, I can almost hear your voice as if you are reading this directly to me. Through your words, I sense your pain. The pain you feel from having to watch the one you love while in the fight of his life. I won’t pretend to understand, or even begin to imagine what you both must be feeling. But I do know that fear must play a large part. Fear of not enough time. That you haven’t done enough. Seen enough. Said enough. Loved enough. Been enough.
    While all of that may be true for the both of you, I also sense that regardless of the outcome, your love story will not end if cancer comes out the victor. Its vividly clear to me, by your loving words, the way you look at each other, and the way you care for one another. Your love story will be told long after the last page has been turned. Long after your final breaths have been taken. For you have been a living example of true love. Love that comes from the soul, and transcends all time. Your love is forever.
    May God’s peace be with you both. May His love give you hope and sustain you when feel you have nothing left to give. Thank you for showing all of us that true love is not measured only by our words, but by the way we care for those we speak those very words to.
    Love you so much!

    • Thank you so much Rhonda, you touched me. No matter what.. cancer will not win, it will not beat us.

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